It was almost three years for her to be in this phase of life. She wanted to change the things around her. She wanted to be happy. She deserved it. The only way for her to be happy was, if she goes back to him. But it was late, or maybe too late. Things have changed a lot in these three years. He met another girl, the new girl who was just like her. They both were happy together. But she wanted him back so eagerly, desperately. Yes she wanted him back. She was ready to play the bad guy by splitting a happy couple. She was jealous that how can he be happy without her. It was only her who made him happy. She knew him since ages or maybe more than that, she took him for granted she thought he will never love any other girl and will wait for her entire life. But it happened. He found the new girl. He found the love of his life. The girl he could kiss in public, the girl who never disagrees with his any word. Yes this new girl loved him more than her.

But after every try to steal him away, she was told that she will never get him again. It was her who left him alone for something. He cried. Yes he is a guy but he cried. Guys don’t cry but some emotional fools do. He cried and waited for her for two years. He thought about ending his life many times but he just could not. He had a family to look after.

She never had a family, she was all alone. The only thing she had was Him. But this city made him so blind that she could not see him beside her. She was surrounded by new people.

Now, as the times passed. And she has waked up from this three year old dream. She has no one beside her. Not even the guy who loved her the most. She now realizes his importance. But it’s too late she decides to end her life and writes a letter.

A suicide letter

She writes to him. Accepting what she has done and how guilty she feels. It says.

"Hi

By the time you are reading this letter I’d be gone, Gone to the God. I had no reason to live this life so i thought to end it. But before I let the knife cut my veins; I want to tell you something. I love you, i know that it doesn’t matter to you anymore but i really love you. I am sorry for hurting you so much giving you the pain you never deserved. You were always good to me. I was bad. You cared for me but i used to get irritated by you treating me like a kid. For these years living in an unreal world I really miss the song you used to sing to me every night. Remembering that put tears to my eyes. I am sorry for not taking your calls and making every possible excuse not to see you. I was trying to ignore you so that you can observe that I need to end this. I wanted you to know that i am ignoring you i had no courage to look into your eyes and say i don’t need you anymore, I did not want to be bad, I was just so stupid……to be continued.

I don’t know if I am going to post this draft on my blog ever but I really feel like writing this, yes I am writing this to fill the time between the work and the sleep. It is better to write this with my eyes open than to think about it with my eyes closed, because it takes me back to the good old memories which make me sad. Strange that I used to laugh at the movie where though why few fictional movies have sad endings, I mean when it is fictional and you already have got a script then why don’t they make a happy ending and let the audience leave with a smiling face. But after facing this (unhappy ending) in real life I can say yes it sucks. I know life doesn’t end but it seems like the end of the world for few initial days.

I met this girl last year. She is nice, innocent and stupid. Well, most of girls are like that, but she is little different, I mean I am force to say that she is different from others because no girl would like to be the same as others. So, let’s call her different from other girls. Technically, I know her since ages. But I have known her since last year. Now I can write a book about her. Well a booklet if not a book or a report or maybe a pamphlet describing things about her.

Being an introvert and being a completely opposite to her, not only biologically but emotionally as well, we still get along very well and I fell completely comfortable with her. Yes there are few ups and downs in a relationship but at the end of day what matters is who you want to actually be with.

We live this life not to make money but to be happy, money is just a currency which let us buy things which make us happy, but not everything can be bought. So this question arises. Who you want to actually be with, if you know the answer then it becomes really easy to stay happy. My answer to this question is this girl. Just the thought of her being there in my life makes me happy.

Maybe her answer to this question was not me, maybe that’s why all this happened. She is not going to be there where I wanted her to be, all my dreams, my present and my future, I am calling it mine because she withdrew herself from all this. Maybe she finds happiness in something else or someone else, let it be something because the word someone would make hurt me even more.

It’s okay, I don’t blame her I know she is stupid. But why is she so stupid that she couldn’t read between the lines. Why didn’t she see the love and the affection in my eyes? We promised each other to have so much fun together forever, climb on the mountains, and watch the sun set. The list is endless, but what’s the point of writing all this, it is gone forever and is never going to come back, I try to be happy and want you to be happy forever. I write this because it’s better to write with my eyes open than to think about it with my eyes closed. Because when I close my eyes, it feels so real and then it makes me sad. I am sometimes so much afraid of closing my eyes as they will take me back in time when things were great. This will keep me locked in a cycle of being sad and unproductiveness which happened since you’ve been gone.

Do I need to tell you that I miss those days? Or I miss you or will miss you? No I don’t think so because it has become a part of me, I do it just like I eat sleep or dream. I don’t know how long it is going to happen but I am trying my every best to live with it, I don’t want to forget it but try to tackle the sadness which is a side effect of remembering the happiest days of my life. And this is why I write this, because it is easy to writing this with my eyes open than think about it with my eyes closed………..

this can go forever.