Something That I Want To Change About Me

Photo Credit: Cathy Empey

When I was Small, I mean like the one in the picture, I am always told that I was little different from other infants, I did not Cry all the time, I was so very nice to take care of. I grew up with the same thing, I am as decent as I was born.

I think this is the only thing that has remain within me. Everything else is no more like that, Yes, stupid to think these things but I was just wondering this, why do I always have to be like that, I see aggressive people everyday, I see people fighting over small issues, even my close ones, but, why they expect me to surrender every time, just because I am on a Calm Mode most of the time I am supposed to remain calm and listen to every Bullshit that has been feed by people around me.

I ask you, how would you react if someone, ok not someone but people who know you, compare you with the best people on earth. why do they compare you with best people. In this competitive world, being a satisfied person is not a good thing, but why I love to feel like that, I don’t like competing with people, I have got just 100 years to live, and I think 99% of the people on this earth die under the age of 100. Cant I be satisfied and enjoy the rest of the years of my life. If this is not it, why I was Taught that Poem in School about being satisfied and to be satisfied is a good thing.

Believe me, it’s not that I don’t know how to be aggressive or how to fight over small issues, I can also be aggressive, I am aggressive at times, But, I don’t like to be, this is an inbuilt thing. knowing this fact, people try to take advantage of it and if I deny, they feed me all the psychological crap, all the emotional stuff. knowing that I’ll melt over and surrender.

So, i want to change the thing which has remain the same since I was born, being decent doesn’t work anymore. not for me, not for anyone else.